This is me circa 1983.
This is the first time I remember struggling with my weight. I had curves. My beautiful friends- not so much. If I was an hourglass, they were lolly-pops. I had a belly, they did not. I had pronounced hips, they did not. I remember thinking “Wow, I am SO fat” more than once. Okay, more like every day. It’s when I started dieting for the first time.
Looking at this next picture, I think Josh was about 10 so this is me around 1997. While I was STILL dieting off and on, I was fairly satisfied with where I was in my journey.
This next picture is when either my youngest sister graduated from college or my Dad retired. It is my favorite picture of me. I am truly smiling in this picture. I am thrilled to be with my family and I look confident because I felt good about myself. I actually liked the way I looked for a change.
Finally, this is me now. Now, full-length mirrors are my nemesis. I am at the highest weight I have ever been. I know where my downfalls are. I eat well- most of the day- then evening hits and I graze out of boredom. Where I used to work two jobs on my feet and run all day long, I am mostly desk-bound these days because of my health. I used to walk the dogs every night. Now I come home exhausted and with swollen feet and Auggie gets let out into the fenced yard to do his running. So my movement has gone from overdrive to slowing to a crawl. I am peri-menopausal so my metabolism is slowing down. I KNOW all of this.
I know that it’s contributing to my pain and it must go but what I also know is that when I think about having to shed up to 100 lbs, it’s overwhelming and feels like an impossible dream.
A few weeks ago I was pointed in the direction of a video that I will share here. Warning- there is some “language” in here that, while I am not offended, may offend some if you don’t like swear words.
This is Mike Vacanti. Mike is a personal trainer. First glance judgement was “Oh please. This kid is 25-30 (I nailed it- he was 28 in this video) without an ounce of fat. He won’t get what I am going through”. I was wrong. I am sorry Mike! The video targets us in the older generation. Though he’s a trainer and when he trains he goes full bore- he says that it’s okay to start small. The important thing is that you start and stick with it. That was a light-bulb moment for me. It’s OKAY to start small. It does make a difference! Wait- what? Using something I have around the house instead of going to the gym counts? Doing 10 reps instead of multiple sets counts? Walking around my cul-de-sac and then collapsing makes a difference? A trainer not telling me to get on my stationary bike till I am ready to fall over? Revolutionary.
Mike trains clients online. While I am not at a place now where I can hire him, if I could I would in a heartbeat because I think he would understand my physical challenges and work with them. Mike’s website is full of articles and videos. He’s a huge proponent of counting macro-nutrients. I have downloaded his app and am learning about what they are and how to count them. I love that he’s so blunt. I love that he’s realistic. I love that he’s not focused on the usual gym-rats, instead he spreads his message to everyone. It lit a spark in me that will hopefully turn into a flame. If you are interested in more of his message, you can find him here and on Facebook and Snapchat.
I am heading dead-heading into 50. I will be 49 in a few weeks. My goal is to get moving and shed ( don’t say “lose” because that implies you can find it again!) at least half of my excess weight before my 50th birthday. That’s only roughly a pound a week. If I start small-but am consistent, that should be manageable. Maybe, just maybe, I can get back to the girl in the 3rd picture- just with more wrinkles.
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