One of the issues I have been having is weight gain.  I come home at night SO tired that moving is the last thing that I want to do and in the morning it takes hours for the stiffness to subside enough to even go to work.  It weighs on me (see what I did there?) both physically and mentally.  I have struggled with my weight and  my perception of my weight for as long as I can remember.

This is me circa 1983.

This is the first time I remember struggling with my weight.  I had curves.  My beautiful friends- not so much.  If I was an hourglass, they were lolly-pops.  I had a belly, they did not.  I had pronounced hips, they did not.   I remember thinking “Wow, I am SO fat” more than once.  Okay, more like every day.   It’s when I started dieting for the first time.

  Looking at this next picture, I think Josh was about 10 so this is me around 1997. While I was STILL dieting off and on, I was fairly satisfied with where I was in my journey.

This next picture is when either my youngest sister graduated from college or my Dad retired.  It is my favorite picture of me. I am truly smiling in this picture.  I am thrilled to be with my family and I look confident because I felt good about myself.  I actually liked the way I looked for a change.

Finally, this is me now.       Now, full-length mirrors are my nemesis.  I am at the highest weight I have ever been.  I know where my downfalls are.  I eat well- most of the day- then evening hits and I graze out of boredom.  Where I used to work two jobs on my feet and run all day long, I am mostly desk-bound these days because of my health.  I used to walk the dogs every night.  Now I come home exhausted  and with swollen feet and Auggie gets let out into the fenced yard to do his running.  So my movement has gone from overdrive to slowing to a crawl.  I am peri-menopausal so my metabolism is slowing down.  I KNOW all of this.

I know that it’s contributing to my pain and it must go but what I also know is that when I think about having to shed up to 100 lbs, it’s overwhelming and feels like an impossible dream.

A few weeks ago I was pointed in the direction of a video that I will share here.  Warning- there is some “language” in here that, while I am not offended, may offend some if you don’t like swear words.

This is Mike Vacanti.  Mike is a personal trainer.  First glance judgement was “Oh please.  This kid is 25-30 (I nailed it- he was 28 in this video) without an ounce of fat.  He won’t get what I am going through”.  I was wrong.  I am sorry Mike!  The video targets us in the older generation.  Though he’s a trainer and when he trains he goes full bore- he says that it’s okay to start small.  The important thing is that you start and stick with it.  That was a light-bulb moment for me.  It’s OKAY to start small.  It does make a difference!  Wait- what?  Using something I have around the house instead of going to the gym counts? Doing 10 reps instead of multiple sets counts?  Walking around my cul-de-sac and then collapsing makes a difference?  A trainer not telling me to get on my stationary bike till I am ready to fall over?  Revolutionary.

Mike trains clients online.  While I am not at a place now where I can hire him,  if I could I would in a heartbeat because I think he would understand my physical challenges and work with them.  Mike’s website is full of articles and videos.  He’s a huge proponent of counting macro-nutrients.  I have downloaded his app and am learning about what they are and how to count them.  I love that he’s so blunt.  I love that he’s realistic.  I love that he’s not focused on the usual gym-rats, instead he spreads his message to everyone.  It lit a spark in me that will hopefully turn into a flame.  If you are interested in more of his message, you can find him here and on Facebook and Snapchat.  

 I am heading dead-heading into 50.  I will be 49 in a few weeks.  My goal is to get moving and shed ( don’t say “lose” because that implies you can find it again!) at least half of my excess weight before my 50th birthday.  That’s only roughly a pound a week.  If I start small-but am consistent, that should be manageable.  Maybe, just maybe,  I can get back to the girl in the 3rd picture- just with more wrinkles.





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