Hi there–

I am creating this post because I have no where else to vent. I’m worried about being judged by mutual friends and with the overall thought that this could never happen. A little bit about the situation:

For about four years now I have had feelings that are hard to push down towards our mutual friend. He was my husband’s friend first, but since we met 11+ years ago, the friend and I have developed our own friendship. My husband is not great at maintaining his social connections, and thus me and the friend have become quite closer than he and my husband. The friend has many failed relationships under his belt, constantly giving reasons of why he and his current girlfriend aren’t a great fit. He is always somewhat (though very very discreetly) flirty with me when we are together. He has always been a form of solace, as my relationship with my husband has been quite rocky through the years. The friend and I have so much in common, and there are many times that I’ve wished I had met him before I had met my husband. I love spending time with this friend, everything is easy and we just have fun. I also get butterflies every time i know I am about to see him– as silly as that may sound. I want to make clear that NO lines have EVER been crossed.

Recently, this past year, my husband has developed an alcohol addiction, going as far as being hospitalized for his condition. Since he has refused to get help (this is not his first time struggling with addiction) I have decided to leave him. I’ve moved out and am currently going through the first stages of divorce paperwork. I’ve really given all that I can, it is a toxic situation and I cannot live in such a state of unhappiness and worry. With all of this happening, I see our friend has not really reached out to my husband, having told mutual friends that he no longer feels close to my husband and that my husband never really worked at maintaining their friendship.

Is it crazy that I think this could be me and the friend’s time? If what was happening wasn’t happening it would never even cross my mind to ever bring it up to our friend. I really feel as though I love him, even though I know there is so much against us. Besides the loyalty he may still have for my husband, add on the shock from our friend group and the wrongness of it. I just don’t know. But I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t know how to bring it up, and part of me just thinks I should move away and move on.

Any help anyone can offer would be so appreciated. I am just very lost, confused and eager to do what I need to do. Thank you!


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