I can’t believe I got to sleep in and I woke up at 7:55 a.m. I am just going to lie here and pretend to be asleep so nobody bothers….

HELLO FAMILY! Thank you for the breakfast in bed.

Twenty minutes later: OMG, why does it look like a tornado hit the kitchen when all they did was slice some bagels and smear on cream cheese?! I am so not cleaning up.

“Hey, guys, if you leave dirty dishes in the sink they are not officially cleaned!”

You know, “Percentage-wise the kitchen is much better than it used to look!” does not absolve anyone of the fact that it still looks like a disaster. I am pretty sure that statement would not stand up in court if messy kitchens were, in fact, punishable by law. If only.

Sit at kitchen table as two children draw a card. As in, for me.

Ten minutes later, head back upstairs with plans to take a shower that lasts longer than three minutes. Exciting!

“WHY CAN’T I TAKE A SHOWER ON MOTHER’S DAY WITHOUT SOMEONE BANGING ON THE BATHROOM DOOR? CAN’T YOU TAKE HIM TO THE POTTY DOWNSTAIRS?”

Nope.

“Hi! Yes, you go pee pee in the potty! Nice job!”

Is it so wrong to wish your family would go away for Mother’s Day?

Five whole minutes of solitude to slather on body lotion, moisturize my face and pluck my brows. Squee!

“Can someone get the boys dressed who isn’t me? I put out nice clothes for them, I’d like to take pictures on the front stoop.”

“Fine, he can wear his Mickey Mouse shirt.”

Maybe one of these years I’ll take a photo when my hair isn’t wet. How is it possible another year has passed since last Mother’s Day? The baby looks like a big boy now. Crazy.

Brunch at a nice restaurant. One child refuses to eat, one child eats most of my meal, one child throws most of his food on the floor. Relaxation central!

Return home to find that a butterfly has emerged from one of the cocoons we’ve kept in a netted habitat for the last week. One child attempts to pass it off as my gift. Nice try.

Play a game, do homework, watch some TV, Dustbust crumbs around entire first floor due to child’s love of graham crackers. Child announces she needs a “trifold presentation board” for school project, which is way better than announcing it at 9:20 p.m. once stores have closed, as typically happens. Make joy trip to Staples.

Take kids to local pizza joint for dinner. Spend a disproportionate part of the rest of the evening watching YouTube videos of parents who have surprised their children with trips to Disney World, thanks to one child’s obsession/wishful thinking.

Bath time! PJ’s! Snack! Different day, same routine.

“I love you!”

“I love you, Mommy!”

“Love you!”

The. Best.



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